What is strange though... not sleeping is really like some kind of hallucinogenic drug. I've started seeing things that don't exist on my walks to and from work. For instance, I thought a tree was a woman holding a basket of mangoes. Then, while taking a shower, I thought I saw a giant spider the size of my head and started screaming... but it wasn't there a second later... then I realized I'd just hallucinated. I thought something was crawling up my leg but when I looked down, nothing was there. Last night, I thought I saw snow...when it was 80F (27C) outside. I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't manage to sleep somehow. I've also noticed some other negative side effects. Constantly nauseous, I feel like I could throw up any minute. My heart hurts, a lot. At first I thought it was the coffee... yeah, I know but actually coffee is more of an addiction not necessarily something that keeps me awake. I can normally drink a cup of coffee and then sleep immediately afterward. In Mali, I drink 1 to 3 cups a day, which is the norm, and I never had sleep problems because of coffee consumed in such small amounts. But yeah, my heart beats somewhat irregularly sometimes, it really hurts. One time, it stopped beating for two or three seconds and that was excruciatingly painful. It felt like two or three minutes, not seconds. When it stopped, I couldn't even breath in or out... it was such a weird feeling. Then it started beating again. Amazingly, though, I've managed to go to work, do a half-decent job, volunteer (Wednesday, Thursday, and I will later today) in tutoring English and basic written French as well as distributing some new notebooks. Still, the kids seem to notice something wasn't right with me because my mind kept wandering off and my voice would involuntarily trail off. Then my attention would snap back to attention once the kids complained that they couldn't hear me anymore.
My roommates were pretty concerned and they tried to get to me to sleep a little. Nothing seemed to work. Warm milk, chocolate, hot cocoa, milk and honey (yes, they made me drink lots of liquids, lol). I didn't sleep but I closed my eyes for a few hours attempting to. I just closed my eyes and let my thoughts run through my head, waiting in vain for sleep to come. I miss dreaming. I want to sleep. I want to stop hallucinating. These past few days have been super busy and I hope now that it's the weekend, I can finally try and succeed in sleeping. Why can't I sleep??? I haven't even been noticing the world around me lately and when people talk to me and I talk back... it's seems as though there is some kind of sound and visual film... everything seems surreal, distant... like this is all a dream and nothing really exists. Strange isn't it? Maybe it's because I'm thinking about too much. Maybe I need to just relax. It's just frustrating not knowing what is wrong with your own body and when medical professionals who are supposed to be better informed can't even tell you what's wrong with you, that makes it all the more frustrating.
Today's Random Quiz:
| What Your Taste in Music Says About You |
 You are intelligent... but in a very unconventional way. You are curious about the world. You love doing something new. In fact, you enjoy taking risks and doing things most people would shy away from. You are very physical. It's likely that you're athletic, but not into team sports. You have the soul of an artist. Beauty and harmony are important to you. |
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